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| | | Thursday, April 24, 2008 - Dog Bites Newsletter - April 2008 | Dog Bites April 2008 | 
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Welcome to the April 2008 edition of the Pulitzer Prize–winning Dog Bites, the social newsletter of the Denver Bulldogs Australian Rules Football Club. Sign up your friends to the Dog Bites by emailing their email address to newsletter@denverbulldogs.com. In this edition: - ANZAC Day Party, April 26
- Soon to be seen in Wolf Blitzer’s Situation Room
- Footy Training Started! Come down to
- Around Town / Who’s Touring
- Denver posh lifestyle magazine smackdown
- Classifieds
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1. ANZAC Day Pub Night, Saturday, April 26 
| 8pm. The British Bulldog, 2052 Stout Street (Corner of Stout & Broadway). Starts at 8pm. Everyone is invited. Huge Aussie-Tucker hamper raffle, Sam Adams and Snooze restaurant giveaways, 2 for 1’s on all drinks from 10pm to midnight. $10 get's you an authentic Aussie meat pie and two Sam Adams Boston Lager beers ... and two games of Aussie rules on all TV”s … with sound! 9pm: Brisbane Lions v Melbourne Demons (live). 12pm: Collingwood Magpies v Essendon Bombers. Go to www.denverbulldogs.com for more details or click here for the flyer. Also, go to the ANZAC Day Picnic the next day (Sunday, April 27)! More details in the “Around Town” section, below, or on the flyer (click here). |
2. Footy Training Started – All Welcome! 
| Come on down! Whether you are old or young, experienced or a beginner, you are always welcome. And it is a great way to get fit. Furthermore, you get to improve your social standing by rubbing elbows with the enchanting and modish Denver Bulldogs players. Note that we won’t be teaching anybody how to suckerpunch like Barry Hall.
Sundays Bulldogs men’s teams start training this Sunday at 10 am at Veterans Park, on the north side of I-25 & University, behind the Police station. Click here for map. Wednesdays We hold night sessions at Wash Park (on the east side where Tennessee runs into the park) will start on Wednesday at 6pm. Click here for map. Go to www.denverbulldogs.com for more details, or contact club coach Tom Ellis at (720) 261-8070 or tellis41@comcast.net. |
3. Soon to be seen in Wolf Blitzer’s Situation Room… 
| It’s full scale drunken sailor naval warfare between Australia and USA Aussie sailors go ballistic during argument about what’s tougher: Aussie Rules Football or American Football. Click here for CNN’s coverage. Thanks to James for sending this in. |
| Kiwi in wombat sex attack claim A wombat is an Australian marsupial, pictured left. A Kiwi is a New Zealand citizen, not the bird. Click here for more coverage courtesy of the Sun, a sophisticated UK broadsheet. |
| Ministry of photo-ops Both the Kevin Rudd (the Australian Prime Minister) and Condi need to use masking tape to tell them where to stand during a photo shoot. Click here. |
| Australia is the new Canada Australia’s new PM is leading a deeply sinister and sickening plot to turn Australia into a nice, happy, group-hugging, environmentally conscious, granola munching, youth focused, no wucken furries type of place. The 2020 Boondoggle, where 1,000 Australians convened last week to talk about “issues”, was the first step in this morbid fantasy. Cate Blanchett and the guy who played Wolverine in the X-Men movies (left) added some star power. |
| Silent Rave fad infiltrates New York Brought to you by the same socio-economic demographic that invented the flash mob in 2003. The concept of the Silent Rave is simple: turn up to the venue (usually a public outdoor space) at a specific time, turn on your iPod (most Denver Bulldogs players haven’t advanced yet from their cassette tape walkmans), and dance to your own music with lots of people doing the same thing. Just because nobody else listens to the Top Gun soundtrack doesn’t mean you can’t. Click here for more details and photos. The guy pictured left is a New York Magpies football club player at a silent rave held in Union Square. |
4. Around Town / Who’s Touring Sunday, April 27: Annual ANZAC Day Picnic & BBQ 
| 11am to 5pm, rain or shine! Sterne Park, South Shelter, 2001 West Sheppard Avenue, Littleton, CO.80120. Click here for a map. This is a great family day! Bring the kids. Bring the dogs. Bring something to throw on the barbie. There will be the usual social cricket match plus a co-ed game of Aussie Rules footie - everyone gets to have a go! PLEASE NO GLASS CONTAINERS. Alcohol is allowed in the park but MUST be in cans or plastic. Click here for more details: http://www.ozdenver.com/events.htm, or email James at waddellj@comcast.net or Christine at Christine@ozdenver.com. |
Friday, April 30: The Sick Puppies 
| Bluebird Theater, 3317 E. Colfax Ave. Click here for map. This Sydney band is bigger in the U.S. than it is in Australia. So much so, they now live in LA. Get tickets by clicking here. |
Friday, June 13: The Australian Bee Gees 
| Red Rocks Amphitheater Bee Gees tribute band. Tickets: Click here. |
Got an event you would like to list? Send details to newsletter@denverbulldogs.com. 5. Denver posh lifestyle magazine smackdown 
| Members of Denver’s polo set that consider 5280 Magazine to be too blue collar may now have an alternative: Denver Magazine. At first glance, Denver Magazine has everything your average Cherry Creeker wants: expensive jewelry knickknacks, articles about of the Aspen Wine and Food Classic, reviews of the latest $126k Aston Martin and the make-up secrets of Denver socialites. But does it satisfy the question all toffs are asking: is it really the poshest glossy of them all? No fear. The Dog Bites has done all the hard analysis for you chi-chi Denver Bulldogs player types. See below: | 
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| Publisher | 5280 Publishing, Inc. | Luxury Media Group, Inc. | Editor in Chief | Daniel Brogan | Dahlia Jean Weinstein | Circulation | 80,000, very “common” | Too soon, so not very “common” | | | | Latest feature article | How dogs are helping rehabilitate Colorado prisoners. | Matt Holliday: Colorado’s $23 million family man. | Typical car advertiser | Subaru | Bentley and Ferrari | Upcoming events highlighted | Lots, including a lecture by annoying self-indulgent Manhattan society It Girl Elizabeth Gilbert. | The Aspen Food and Wine Classic, where you can rub elbows with Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi, the socialite mostly famous for being the former wife of novelist Salman Rushdie. | Restaurants reviewed | Blue Fin Sushi, Alto. | Oceanaire, Spago. | Book Review | None. | Eat, Pray, Love by annoying self-indulgent Manhattan society It Girl Elizabeth Gilbert. | Plastic surgery adverts? | Lots. | Some, but will likely increase over time. | Society pages? | None. | Very glossy and lots of local socialites featured. Hobnobbers at the Opera Colorado and Allied Jewish Federation black tie events were photographed, as were those at Denver debutante ball. | The Verdict | Soz 5280. Despite your fab restaurant reviews, Denver Magazine is positively lush with its sooooo goosey society pages and smashing car adverts (hawhaw get it: smashing). Besides, with an Editor in Chief who goes by the name Dahlia Jean Weinstein how can it lose? NQOCD. |
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6. Media Hype / Classifieds 
| The British Bulldog 2052 Stout Street (Corner of Stout & Broadway) Didja know the Bulldogs loyal sponsor, the British Bulldog, televises live international sports such as soccer and rugby? The pub subscribes to Setanta, the channel that televises AFL games and other international sports. Click here for the Setanta match schedule to see when your team is playing. For more info go to www.britishbulldogdenver.com or call (303) 295.7974 |
| New Sponsor! Sam Adams Guess what! Sam Adams – the beer – is sponsoring the Bulldogs this year. This means (a) more booze, (b) more booze, and (c) more booze. You’ll be able to try Sam Adams at the Bulldogs www.samueladams.com |
| New Sponsor! Cummins Rocky Mountain New Denver Bulldogs Premier sponsor Cummins Rocky Mountain. Cummins Rocky Mountain is the exclusive distributor of Cummins and Onan products for the Rocky Mountain and Southwest Area. Cummins Rocky Mountain Website |
| Different Realty Services – Bruce Durrell Denver Bulldogs player Bruce Durrell will cater to all your real estate needs. He is better than Donald Trump. And a much nicer person. That is him, left, pictured with his family. Call him at (303) 520-4341 or check out his website. |
| Cherry Creek Mortgage – Dan Umbdenstock While you’re chatting with Bruce (above) about developing your real estate empire you should also talk with Denver Bulldogs player Dan Umbdenstock. Dan is a mortgage lending guru. That is him, pictured left. Call him at (303) 331-4350. |
| Vemma Vemma is the Bulldogs jumper/jersey sponsor. Vemma is a liquid nutritional supplement which combines both vitamins and minerals – It is what your body needs for the life that you want. Please visit us at www.vemmaguard.com to learn how you can start living healthier. |
| OzDenver OzDenver allows people to connect with other Australians and New Zealanders in Denver. It is very friendly and informal, with no dues or hidden costs. Check out www.ozdenver.com or email Christine at christine@ozdenver.com. |
7. Feedback
| | Friday, March 14, 2008 - Dog Bites Newsletter - March 2008 | Dog Bites March 2008 |
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Welcome to the March 2008 edition of the Pulitzer Prize–winning Dog Bites, the social newsletter of the Denver Bulldogs Australian Rules Football Club. Sign up your friends to the Dog Bites by emailing their email address to newsletter@denverbulldogs.com. - Australia Day Party Pics
- Save the Date: ANZAC Day Party, April 26
- Important Football Information: Training Starting Soon! AFL Footy Tipping Competition!
- Disturbing foreign Developments that Threaten the American Way of Life
- Around Town / Who’s Touring
- Classifieds
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1. Denver Australia Day Party Photos 
| Thanks to everyone who attended the Australia Day Party, held Saturday January 26th, at The Dish Bistro. Guests were treated to drinks and appetizers, and of course, party pies and lamingtons! Let’s not forget the door prizes, compliments of Rob Dawe (Darcy's, Casey's, Lansdowne, McCabe's etc) and John Beatty (Australian Cellar Club). Special thinks to Bruce Durrell of Remax SouthEast, who was the presenting sponsor of the event. Furthermore, we all got to check out the Denver Bulldogs demonstrate AussieBall, a co-ed non-tackle version of Australian football. Stay tuned for more details of Denvers own Aussieball league in coming issues! Check out the photos! Click here. |
2. Save the Date: ANZAC Day Party, Saturday, April 26 
| 8pm. The British Bulldog, 2052 Stout Street (Corner of Stout & Broadway) Save the date for this big one. Beers, pies, prizes, Aussie hamper raffles and live AFL footy. More details to follow in the next Dog Bites. |
3. Important Football Information: Training, Footy Tipping Comp 
| Training starting for 2008 season! Sundays: Bulldogs men’s teams start training this Sunday at 10 am at Veterans Park, on the north side of I-25 & University, behind the Police station. Great way to get fit. Wednesdays: We hold night sessions at Wash Park (on the east side where Tennessee runs into the park) will start on Wednesday at 6pm. All old and new players are always welcome. Go to www.denverbulldogs.com for more details, or contact club coach Tom Ellis at (720) 261-8070 or tellis41@comcast.net. Bulldog Tipping Competition – Everyone Welcome to Join! Ok all you "Monday's Experts" out there, it's time to step and up and join the Bulldog 2008 AFL Tipping Competition, hosted by the British Bulldog Pub. The entry fee is US$20. Anyone can join in the fun so feel free to pass it on to your friends, family and co-workers both here in the U.S. and in Australia. The more people that join, the more money for the winner! Payments can be made through the football clubs website or directly to Isaac at the Pub. Deadline to join is Monday March 17. Deadline to pay is Monday March 31. Click on this link and press the 'Join this Competition' button: click here. If you have any questions please contact James at waddellj@comcast.net. "Good luck and good tipping!!!" Womens team update Denver Bulldogs women’s team is travelling to Phoenix, AZ on May 31, 2008 to compete in the first USAFL woman’s tournament of the season. It will be the first time the Bulldogs have fielded a women’s team and we are very excited for the girls and wish them all the best on this historic journey. We have about 15 girls planning on making the trip. If you want to find out more about this trip and our woman’s & co-ed team please contact Bulldogs Director of Development and women’s team coach, Dom Kennedy at dwk01@hotmail.com. Men’s team update The Denver Bulldogs men’s team(s) is travelling to Fort Lauderdale, FL on April 12-13 for the first USAFL men’s tournament of the season. It’s also the first Aussie Rules tournament to be held at the new Broward County Sports Stadium which is has been purpose built for Cricket & Aussie Rules Football. This stadium holds 25,000 people and with the Bulldogs playing in this tourney we expect that capacity to be fully tested when we roll into town. We welcome any player or supporter to join us on this “road trip” (actually we fly) to Florida which sounds good at this time of the year. If you’d like more info about this trip and our two men’s teams please contact Bulldogs Vice President and club coach, Tom Ellis at tellis41@comcast.net. Beach during the day - Bulldogs at night what a combination! Where is it: Ft. Lauderdale, FL at Broward Central Regional Park Who's in it: 10 teams from all over the U.S. More info: www.fightingsquids.com
Volunteers wanted for National Championships, Colorado Springs, October 2008 The biggest weekend in the U.S. Australian football calendar will be held in Colorado this year! More than thirty teams from across the country will congregate in Colorado Springs in October to vie to become National Champion. This is the first time the Nationals have been held in Colorado Springs. They are probably going to be held on October 11 & 12, but we are still waiting on the Air Force football schedule to be finalized. Check out this article about the Colorado Springs Nationals: click here. Volunteers wanted! There are many volunteer opportunities available for people to get involved, which won’t require you to don a jumper and play. All interested volunteers can contact James at waddellj@comcast.net. |
4. Disturbing foreign developments that threaten The American Way Of Life 
| Fancy foreign underwear will devastate American masculinity Evolution of the luxury men's underwear market will drive the American male – a male that currently buys his 5-packs at stores whose names end in "Mart" - extinct. Armani is counting on huge billboards of metrosexual nominal soccer star David Beckham to boost its underwear sales in America. Dolce & Gabbana is using naked images to sell underwear (doesn’t it always). However, the most terrifying front of this war is Australia, where men are already expected to enthusiastically purchase the forthcoming Wonderbum. Alas, it may already be too late for Australian males: in this article, The Age highlights some actual hot-selling products that the male population there actually buys, such as the Wonderjock, "the male equivalent of the wonderbra." The future is bleak, indeed. One day we will realize that we are slowly being morphed into Australian man-whores. |
| Party kid Corey Worthington will smash Britney, American economy Australian bogan surf bum Corey Worthington is media savvy enough to ensure certain doom to the Britney Spears dependent American economy. First came his January 13 interview on tabloid TV show A Current Affair, where - after hosting an out-of-control party when his parents were away - he said “his glasses are famous.” Next came a fortuitous slow news day, meaning coverage of the interview actually hit the blogs, and eventually AP. Next came another slow news day and another A Current Affair interview on January 16 where he said he was planning another party. OMG! Finally on January 30 he was smart enough to have a friend video a well executed melee, also picked up by A Current Affair. Now Worthington appears to be on the cusp of parlaying his incidental fame into a sick, loathsome but highly lucrative long-term presence in the spotlight, just as Britney Spears is being dragged, claws to the stage, away from it. Wake up America, because there are literally tens of millions of worthless U.S. dollars at stake! |
| Gay Australian lifeguards will dance our cherished boring suburban lives away Watch out ladies. Your husbands and boyfriends are being brainwashed by an elaborate and well-orchestrated campaign with a particularly sinister end game: to turn them into gay Australian lifeguards. Click here for the recruiting video. Well, at least it may encourage you to send your tubby guy to the gym. |
| Australia allows Tom Cruise’s creepiness to overrun country, America to follow Andrew Morton's unauthorized Tom Cruise biography, in which the aging idol's scariness is given full voice, has been made unavailable in Australia. According to the Sydney Morning Herald, US-based distributor Ingram International, cited “unspecified legal reasons” for not being able to distribute the book outside the US and Canada. Unspecified legal reasons? Isn't that the whole reason Australia was settled in the first place? |
| Rupert Murdoch’s reign of terror will crush all humans Rupert Murdoch, the Zeus-like leader of News Corporation, is so powerful that he doesn't even need to kill negative pieces himself. His minions will do it themselves to protect their overlord. The Far Eastern Economic Review, a small monthly that became part of the Australian uber-mogul's empire in December, was planning to run a review of a tell-some book about Murdoch's time in China. When editors realized that the book wasn't a Fox News-esque glowing portrait of Murdoch, they ditched the piece. Click here for the news. |
5. Around Town / Who’s Touring Tuesday, March 4: Missy Higgins Sunday, March 9: Keith Urban Monday, April 7: The Wiggles Tuesday, April 22: The Waifs Friday, June 13: The Australian Bee Gees Got an event you would like to list? Send details to newsletter@denverbulldogs.com. 6. Media Hype / Classifieds 
| The British Bulldog 2052 Stout Street (Corner of Stout & Broadway) Didja know the Bulldogs loyal sponsor, the British Bulldog, televises live international sports such as soccer and rugby? The pub subscribes to Setanta, the channel that televises AFL games and other international sports. Click here for the Setanta match schedule to see when your team is playing. For more info go to www.britishbulldogdenver.com or call (303) 295.7974 |
| Re/Max Southeast – Bruce Durrell Denver Bulldogs player Bruce Durrell will cater to all your real estate needs. He is better than Donald Trump. And a much nicer person. That is him, left, pictured with his family. Call him at (303) 520-4341 or check out his website http://bdurrell.milehighrealestate.com/. |
| Vemma Vemma is the Bulldogs jumper/jersey sponsor. Vemma is a liquid nutritional supplement which combines both vitamins and minerals – It is what your body needs for the life that you want. Please visit us at www.vemmaguard.com to learn how you can start living healthier. |
| OzDenver OzDenver allows people to connect with other Australians and New Zealanders in Denver. It is very friendly and informal, with no dues or hidden costs. Check out www.ozdenver.com or email Christine at christine@ozdenver.com. |
7. Feedback
| | Saturday, January 19, 2008 - Dog Bites Newsletter - January 2008 | Dog Bites January 2008 Welcome to the January 2008 edition of the Pulitzer Prize–winning Dog Bites , the social newsletter of the Denver Bulldogs Australian Rules Football Club. Sign up your friends to the Dog Bites by emailing their email address to newsletter@denverbulldogs.com , or simply visit DenverBulldogs.com, and add your email address right from the home page. In this edition: - Australia Day Party, Saturday January 26
- Around Town / Who’s Touring
- Really Important Stuff
Classifieds
1. Denver Australia Day Party! Saturday, January 26
| 1:30pm to 4:30pm The Dish Bistro 400 E 20th Ave , Denver , 80205 (corner 20th & Logan). Click here for map. Free parking is available at the garage around the corner at 1970 Pennsylvania St.
Everyone is welcome! Kids also. Americans also. We may even let in the occasional Denver Bulldogs player if they are well behaved. This is a great opportunity for everyone with any connection to Australia to get together in Denver.
Cost: $10 for adults and $5 for children (12 and under). Admission gets you two drinks (beer, wine or soda) and appetizers (including party pies, sausage rolls and lamingtons from G'Day Mate Meat Pies). Additional drinks and meals can be ordered from the restaurant - separate checks will be established.
Lots of Door Prizes! Compliments of Rob Dawe ( Darcy's , Casey's, Lansdowne, McCabe's, etc.) and John Beatty (Australian Cellar Club) and a HUGE Aussie hamper raffle.
Free AussieBall Demo! The Denver Bulldogs are going to put on an AussieBall (a co-ed non-tackle version of footy) exhibition in the park across the road… even if it snows. Both kids and adults can participate. Those who would rather hobnob with each other can watch from the warmth of the restaurant.
Brought to you by the stellar support of Bruce Durrell of Remax SouthEast
RSVP: Please email Christine at Christine@ozdenver.com with an indication of your attendance, so we can keep track of projected numbers. Aspen , Fort Collins, Boulder, Englewood Xavier Rudd is an Australian singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist (including didgeridoo). The Boulder gig (January 18) is at the Boulder Theatre, and the Englewood gig (January 19) will be at the Gothic Theatre. http://www.myspace.com/xavierrudd . |
2. Around Town / Who’s Touring January 15-19, 2008: Xavier Rudd 
| Aspen , Fort Collins, Boulder, Englewood Xavier Rudd is an Australian singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist (including didgeridoo). The Boulder gig (January 18) is at the Boulder Theatre, and the Englewood gig (January 19) will be at the Gothic Theatre. http://www.myspace.com/xavierrudd . |
January 12-27, 2008: National Western Stock Show 
| National Western Complex, 4655 Humboldt St. (off I-70, east of I-25) Check out the rodeo, stock show and dog shows. Save the date for the International Business & Rodeo Day on January 22. Download the registration form here . OzDenver members can attend at discounted rates (the chamber member rates). Save the date for the biggest day in the Australian public holiday boondoggle calendar: Australia Day. Australia Day is a celebration of the day when the British set up their first penal colony in Australia. The time and venue is yet to be determined, but we do know it will be on January 26, which is Australia Day. Stay tuned to the Dog Bites for more details. |
Sunday, March 9: Keith Urban Tuesday, April 22: The Waifs Got an event you would like to list? Send details to newsletter@denverbulldogs.com . 3. Really Important Stuff 
| Foxy Business rakes in only 6,000 viewers Not even its cache of hottie newsreaders or “no spin zone” journalism can save Fox Business News , Aussie trash media tycoon Rupert Murdoch’s foray into news about business. 6,000 weekday viewers: now that’s embarrassing. Click here to read about it. |
 | Australian travel observations Having just got back from spending the Holidays in Australia, we have some advice for would-be travelers: - Australia is a rip-off. Thank the sky-diving U.S. dollar for most of it. But local inflation is part of the problem. It now costs well over $100 to fill up your car with gas (petrol). A main course at a crappy restaurant can cost >$40.
- The heat can melt your face off at this time of the year. Perth (a city in Australia) was the hottest place in the world on Dec 26: 112F! Take sunburn cream.
- Cricket (the boring sport which is kinda like but not really like Baseball) is still all over the news. There was a media frenzy when an Indian player called an Australian player a “monkey.” It was a racial taunt, apparently.
- New word in Australian lexicon: Cub. It means ‘cashed up bogan.’ Bogans are essentially Australian urban rednecks, sporting mullet haircuts and wearing flannel shirts. And Cubs are everywhere because of a boom in the mining and building industries. A bogan haul truck driver can earn six figures. Some bogans are cashed up because they are good at sport, like tennis player Lleyton Hewitt.
- Take a novel to read when you go to a restaurant because the table service sucks. People blame a lack of staffing caused by the booming economy. Bogan waiters must be getting better money driving trucks on the mines.
- Some Australian wineries offer free shipping the U.S. One is Leeuwin Estate , near Margaret River.
- A funny (and good) new Australian TV show is something called Summer Heights High. Click here for the website, or wait for the American rip-off.
The updated list of Australians that are famous in Australia but not famous anywhere else and probably never will be includes: Natalie Gauci |
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